By Sophia Demetriades
You can predict success and failure in business and personal relationships with 87.4% accuracy, right from the start!
How?
Self-Awareness.
Learning from relationship researcher and marriage expert Gottman’s (2012) formula to predict marital stability and divorce in couples, we can predict with 87.4% accuracy if a marriage will last in only 4 minutes, and we can apply this to all our relationships.
Here are the 4 major relationships killers:
1. Avoidance
The first and most often employed tactic in destroying relationships is avoiding conflict or people. When you avoid conflict – either because you are unaware of your own feelings or afraid of arguing – a situation can escalate. Rather than confronting the issue with your partner, you disengage the conversation, and when this happens repeatedly, the problems tend to accumulate.
Solution: open communication and constructive feedback
2. Criticism (blame)
Different from having an opinion or complaint, criticizing others is a form of attack that chips away at their confidence and self-esteem. A complaint would go like this: “You’re an hour late, I was starting to get worried – can you call me next time you’re running late?” This is criticism: “You’re late again. I was worried! You never think about how your behavior affects other people. Would it kill you to think about someone other than yourself for once?”
Solution: constructive feedback focussing on the situation and not the person
3. Defensiveness (excuses)
It’s natural to be defensive when you feel like you’re being accused of something. However, defensive communication generally creates more tension. When you excuse your behavior rather than take responsibility, and say things such as ‘I was busy at work/the bus ran late/My training ran over’ instead of taking ownership as to why you’ve not done what you promised, you reinforce that your reason (work/traffic/gym) is more important than them.
Solution: know what/who is important and value time management to avoid fire
4. Contempt
It’s a direct disrespect to others to believe you are more important than them. We often use unhelpful body language such as eye-rolling, or use sarcasm or ridicule un knowingly. This can make others feel worthless and unloved, and rarely moves the conversation forward in a positive way.
Solution: gain awareness of your body language by asking for feedback
Awareness of general mistakes means that you can avoid them and transform your relationships. Having a clear understanding of how others perceive you as genuine thus provide a scientific strategy for the success of your personal and professional relationships.
A long term strategy in short; self-awareness and self-observance can save relationship breakdowns in any area of your life.
A Game Changing insight!
